Lessons learned

My mom used to always say... "If you make a mistake, but learn from it... then it is no longer a mistake, it is a lesson learned". Boy oh boy I can loose count of all the lessons I have learned... but God is faithful and just to forgive those mistakes and make them a weapon in my fortress of life-lessons to help those who are struggling with making those same mistakes and show them how the Lord can truly make beauty from ashes... now we just have to be obedient and be honest enough to admit that we too have walked that road, veered off the straight and narrow, honestly messed up, but I've noticed that IF we are willing to be honest, admit our short-comings and show our friends that we too have stumbled, but God himself reaches out his hand and helps lift us up... we give HOPE. And what a beautiful place this world would be if there was more HOPE in it!

Time

There are times that it feels like a day lasts forever... and there are days that seem to fly by. Then there are times where you're sitting at your computer, knowing you should go to bed, and emotions and memories just overcome you. It's actually quiet... everyone is sleeping... and I am alone (ok, so lil miss is sleeping in the next room... but I am for the most part, by myself).

I saw a friend I haven't seen since 7th grade today.. it was WONDERFUL!!! She came and gave me the BIGGEST hug, and we laughed, and talked, and then came the dreaded moment when she asked how my mom was... I praise God that he has gotten me past the point of breaking at that question. I can now compose myself and answer without tears flooding my face, and sobs sending me into a downward spiral... I really don't even know how many days Sheldon just tucked me into bed crying and told me to go to sleep and when I woke up I would feel better... I don't know what I ever did to deserve the husband that I have. My friend had just told me that she moved her parents up from Texas so they would be closer and she could help take care of them... oh how I miss those days.. fixing her coffee just the way she liked it, making her some peanut butter toast, things now that seem so simple and trivial... yet I would give anything to have those moments back.

It's been 3 years, 5 months , 18 days since I've seen my momma, longer than I ever imagined in my life I would go without hearing her voice, sharing our coffee, watching the kids do silly things.. sharing those mother daughter moments that I so unknowingly took for granted. I can remember when I counted every single day.. every single week, every single holiday, everything... and I actually had to sit and think for a moment exactly how long she had been gone.... God is SO faithful... because even when I was so lost in my grief, in my tears, in my sorrow.. he was holding me the entire time.

This one's for you momma... your favorite song when you found out you had cancer.. the way you told Sheldon to listen to the part about watching an eagle as it was flying because you knew how much he loved eagles and collected them... you always thought of us.. even as your days were ending, it was always us that you worried about and yet you knew... you knew Sheldon would hold me and we would make it... you will never cease to amaze me.. and my love for you still grows stronger everyday until we meet again in Heaven... I LOVE YOU FOREVER

Lots of changes =)

I've heard many times about the seasons in our lives.... sometimes we think they're going to change in one way.. and then another way comes around =) I really thought our baby season was over.. and here we are at the beginning again, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world!

Some VERY happy brothers =)


She looks like she's smiling ... I think she knows how much littlest brother loves her!!

Boo and his baby sister

Awwwww.....

So my heart is stolen once again...... this time by a little person in pink instead of blue.......

I feel so blessed that the Lord gives us these tiny spirits to teach about him, to show them how much he loves them..so much more than we are even capable. But mostly I am thankful that the Lord lets me be a part of all of their lives... especially our newest little member =)

Mommy loves you baby girl

Our new little baby girl is HERE!!!

She's here...all 19 inches of her =)
Princess Hollynd Brooke Carver weighed in at 7 lbs. 8 oz.
We can't wait to bring her home Tuesday!!!!
Our beautiful little girl

So tiny

So perfect

We are soooo blessed =)

Every good and perfect gift comes from above... she's our little Angel

Labory and delivery was awesome! Mom did GREAT and was such a trooper that I was amazed! I LOVE YOU GIRL.. forever I will thank you for this precious little gift that you have given us!

The fight...

I have to admit there is one subject in my life that I don't budge on.. I know, we're suppossed to be tolerant, we're suppossed to be loving and forgiving.. but this one subject puts me to the test everytime.

The subject is abortion.

I'm so pro-life I should wear a t-shirt everyday that says TAKE MY HAND.. NOT MY LIFE just so people don't think this issue ever truly goes away.

So long story short... I have a close, dear, forever friend.. the kind you can't remember ever not knowing?.. ya know as far back as you have memories, they are in them.

We've been down this road before. She knows how I feel.

Pregnant at 38.. the dad won't be anywhere around and granted she's struggling already with the children she does have, and just making it financially as a single mom... I get the picture, and I love her.. so I do have sympathy.

It took days of conversation, making her look at the baby being a good thing.. not a horrible reminder of a bad decision... at one point, she actually said.. I get that you're a voice for the voiceless, but enough is enough I feel guilty as it is.. I haven't made my decision yet".... I had spoken every word in love.. I had even went as far as to tell her I only speak that honestly with her because I do love her and know her deep inside where she can't seem to find herself becaue of the stress and confusion. But I felt the holy spirit say, just send her a message and say I love you unconditionally and will always be here for you, just like God is for each of us... and I left it alone... and prayed with all my might... for over 24 hours I heard nothing.. got no messages, saw she was on the computer a few times sending messages to other friends of ours... but NOTHING for me... and I never go a single day without something from her.. in my heart I was scared that I had offended her.. had hurt her feelings with the truth.

The day the email came that said she chose to keep the baby, my heart about exploded. I in no way take credit for her decision.. I know the only way in the world she chose to have the baby was that God stepped in... he spoke to her himself... he opened her eyes to the good and made the bad go away even if only for a brief moment for her to see the beauty in the ashes... The exact prayer I had been praying..

I often wonder how loud the saints and the angels and God himself rejoyce when this hard decision is made....

Yet I also know how tenderly and lovingly they receive and welcome those little babies that don't get this chance at life...

Me in a nutshell

Seriously... this is me