Time

There are times that it feels like a day lasts forever... and there are days that seem to fly by. Then there are times where you're sitting at your computer, knowing you should go to bed, and emotions and memories just overcome you. It's actually quiet... everyone is sleeping... and I am alone (ok, so lil miss is sleeping in the next room... but I am for the most part, by myself).

I saw a friend I haven't seen since 7th grade today.. it was WONDERFUL!!! She came and gave me the BIGGEST hug, and we laughed, and talked, and then came the dreaded moment when she asked how my mom was... I praise God that he has gotten me past the point of breaking at that question. I can now compose myself and answer without tears flooding my face, and sobs sending me into a downward spiral... I really don't even know how many days Sheldon just tucked me into bed crying and told me to go to sleep and when I woke up I would feel better... I don't know what I ever did to deserve the husband that I have. My friend had just told me that she moved her parents up from Texas so they would be closer and she could help take care of them... oh how I miss those days.. fixing her coffee just the way she liked it, making her some peanut butter toast, things now that seem so simple and trivial... yet I would give anything to have those moments back.

It's been 3 years, 5 months , 18 days since I've seen my momma, longer than I ever imagined in my life I would go without hearing her voice, sharing our coffee, watching the kids do silly things.. sharing those mother daughter moments that I so unknowingly took for granted. I can remember when I counted every single day.. every single week, every single holiday, everything... and I actually had to sit and think for a moment exactly how long she had been gone.... God is SO faithful... because even when I was so lost in my grief, in my tears, in my sorrow.. he was holding me the entire time.

This one's for you momma... your favorite song when you found out you had cancer.. the way you told Sheldon to listen to the part about watching an eagle as it was flying because you knew how much he loved eagles and collected them... you always thought of us.. even as your days were ending, it was always us that you worried about and yet you knew... you knew Sheldon would hold me and we would make it... you will never cease to amaze me.. and my love for you still grows stronger everyday until we meet again in Heaven... I LOVE YOU FOREVER