Moments..

So I finally made it through a Christmas without crying because I missed my mom. I had my moments where I had to really try HARD not to think about it when the thoughts would start creeping in... but "take every thought captive"... then wouldn't you know it, today I'm trying to get either Shine on the radio at home, or WBGL, and as I'm looking I hear the start of Allan Jackson's "Where were you when the world stopped turning"... yep, I lost it. It took me back to watching the 2nd plane hit the world trade center with my mom, and watching ALL DAY in shock with her... and I can remember watching the country music awards when Allan Jackson debuted that song.. once again with my momma.

It's just crazy how you hold it together, hold it in, think you're making some serious progress... and then a song comes on.... and in an instant you are taken back to what seems like yesterday, a memory of not even something GREAT, but just a memory of her being with me. I have to say I've gotten better.. but then I still have to say, you NEVER get "better".

A baby's conversation with God

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?' God said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.'

The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.' God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy.'

Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?' God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.'

'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?' and God replied, 'Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.'

'Who will protect me?'
God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.'

'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.' God said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.'


At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, 'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.'

And God said, 'You will simply call her, 'Mom.'

Christmas time...

A friend of mine posted this on facebook... thought it was very touching:

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

As Christmas gets closer, I pray we all remember the TRUE meaning of this celebration, this holiday, this day unlike any other.

The BIG DAY

There used to be a time in my life where fear ruled me: any type of fear... fear of something happening to Sheldon; fear of something happening to my kids; fear of someone hurting someone in my family.. JUST PLAIN F-E-A-R. You name it, I at some point had worried about it in some fashion or another.

Thank you Heavenly Father for revealing in my life the TRUTH that .. "There is NO FEAR in love; but perfect love casts out all fear" 1 John 4:18. There is no fear here. You reign in my heart and in my life. As I go through this life, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will FEAR NO EVIL.. for you are with me" Psalm 23:4. Every step, every thought, every word, surrendered to your will.

That is how I can watch my little boy walk into surgery

and have no fear in my heart. I trust in you completely. I know what your word says about you watching over us and that you never sleep or slumber... and most of all HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME... AND BRANDON.

Up and going EARLY..

Tomorrow is a BIG day for our little guy. Brandon gets his tonsils and adenoids out. He's excited about ice cream and popscicles.. and mommy is excited that he will be able to BREATHE.. get TONS OF AIR in his little lungs =0) Daddy can't take tomorrow off, so it's just me and Brandon, and Susie (my adopted mom..lol!) is going to come over and watch Hollynd. Pray all goes well with lil miss, she LOVES her Susie, so I think everything will be just fine.. it's more a mommy thing I guess!!!
My handsome little Indian for Thanksgiving =0)

The little things =0)

Brandon made this in pre-k with his handprint.. it says:
This isn't just a turkey
As anyone can see
I made it with my hand
which is a part of me
It comes with lots of love
especially to say
I hope you have a very
Happy Thanksgiving Day

A sweet little smile =0)

My boys... all snuggling under blankets watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.. oh so much to be thankful for

Our little miracle ;0)

What I've REALLY learned...

Sharing my heart on this one... wearing it oh.. pretty much on my sleeve...

What I've learned...
1. The REAL definition of mommy and daddy is not a "GENETIC" or "BIOLOGICAL" term..

2. The REAL word daddy does not always mean you got someone pregnant.

3. The REAL word mommy does not always mean you came from my tummy.

4. REALLY you can love a child with all of your heart and soul without any "GENETIC" or "BIOLOGICAL" connection.. they steal your heart before they even come into our world.

5. Every little girl REALLY wants to be "Daddy's little girl"... even if she is a "tomboy" when she is little or even at the age of 38 years old, and thank you Lord for giving me a husband who REALLY understands this.

6. The REAL connection between mommy and daddy and baby ... can easily be seen when they look in each other's eyes.

7. I REALLY can't imagine life without my daughter...

Thank you Heavenly father for REALLY teaching me all about the way that you love us...

Grandpa from Arizona =0)

We had a very blessed visit with Sheldon's Dad and his Aunt Kitty.. WAY too short, but full of lots of love! His Dad is just the most doting and adoring Grandpa you could ever ask for... he steals my heart when I see how gentle and patient he is with the kids.

Grandpa and Hollynd

Aunt Kitty and Hollynd

Grandpa and Brandon chatting

ALL of us together =0)

***PRAYER REQUEST***

Tonight my cousin's little 3 month old son Owen Jackson was flown to OSF in Peoria with serious RSV. He has a twin sister named Jaylyn Christine ...oh yes.. the Christine is after me.. that's my middle name ;0) Please pray for our little Owen who just hit 9 pounds!! He was born 4 lbs. 11 oz. and his sister was 5 lbs.1 oz.on August 10th when they came into this world. His sister just hit 12 lbs!! They are growing SO FAST and getting bigger.. FINALLY!! Owen has had some battles already because of being so tiny when he was born, so please keep him, his momma and the WHOLE family in your prayers. Children are such a gift from God, and Owen is in the best medical hands possible in Peoria, and in the safest place in the world, which is God's hands!
Owen Jackson Ross (the day he was born... soooooo stinkin tiny)

Katrina and Owen (maybe this shows a little better how SMALL this little guy was)
H-A-N-D-S-O-M-E!
Owen and his twin sister Jaylyn

Please pray for that peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING.. as parents we all know how hard it is when it's our babies that are sick! Pray for Katrina and the rest of the family to draw close to God and find His COMFORT, His PEACE, His LOVE, and His Rest... AND OF COURSE... His HEALING =0) Thanks in advance for the prayers everybody!

The Reunion Heart Necklace

Momma, I miss you... I still remember when you found this necklace in the Christian bookstore with me, and showed it to me crying... it reminded you of my Daddy in Heaven. Neither of us had the money to get it at the time, but just a few days later, Leslie asked me for ideas of what to get you for Christmas... oh I knew in my heart what it was!!!!! I knew you would cry when you opened it (it's a secret we as daughters seem to know that if we can draw tears, we've chosen the perfect gift..lol) Since you've passed 3-1/2 years ago.. I have had the necklace and wear it all the time. A few weeks ago when Aunt Pauline (your TWIN) was so very sick.. I felt the Lord telling me to give her the necklace. She knew the story, she knew you never took it off.. oh man... I was like WHAT???? LORD REALLY??? This is one thing I have of my momma's that she wore, that she loved, that had such special memories belonging only to me from the moment she saw it, to the moment she opened it. Knowing that if I am not obedient, I will not have peace, I told my Unie (that's what I call my Aunt Pauline.. her middle name is UNA after my grandma, but I call her UNIE, short for UNIQUE.. I've always felt she was a very unique gift that God gave me as an Aunt) anyway.. I told her since she was in the hospital that the next time I saw her, the Lord told me to give this necklace to her... she started to cry. She told me how much she loved me, how much she knew it meant to me, and how much it meant to momma. To make a long story short... actually, it's already long, so ... lol.... ANYWAY, A couple of days after she got out of the hospital, I went to her house, and placed in on her neck. She hugged me HUGE, told me how much she loves me, and we got to spend some good quality time together. I felt at peace.. I didn't have that feeling that I struggled with initially. I knew I had been obedient to the Holy Spirit, and I knew HE had a purpose. About a month later, I stopped in to see my favorite Aunt.. once again, she wasn't feeling well, but she was at home, on her oxygen, and just trying to rest. We spent more great time together drinking coffee and talking about every subject from Obama to my baby girl Hollynd who was just loving on her "Grandma" as all my kids call my Aunt Pauline. Right before I got ready to leave, she said she had something for me... She took the necklace off, told me to bend down, and placed it back on my neck. I cried.. I told her NO, the Lord told me to give this to you.. and she told me that her reunion with my momma will be sooner than mine, and I needed to keep it, wear it, and remember that I did what God told me to do... and that's all that mattered. To sum all of this up, I guess I just wanted to say... sometimes letting go of something that means the world to you, does not mean that it is gone forever... God knew what he was doing.. I DECIDED to be obedient, and yet I got my treasure back... now with the memory of my momma wearing it and my UNIE wearing it... the 2 women I love most on this earth.....

The necklace comes with this poem:

Since Heaven has become your home
I sometimes feel I'm so alone
and though we now are far apart
you hold a big piece of my heart

I never knew how much I'd grieve
when it was time for you to leave,
or just how much my heart would ache
from that one fragment you would take.

God lets this tender hole remain
reminding me we'll meet again,
and one day all the pain will cease
when He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear
and when I wear this necklace near
it will become my simple way
to treasure our Reunion Day.



The tender hole that remains is in the shape of a tear drop... which reminds me of God's promise that HE will wipe away EVERY TEAR =0)

Thankful

As Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself thinking about ALL of the many wonderful blessings God has given us over the 12 years Sheldon and I have been married.. and even longer.. just the time I've experienced on this earth since birth. It kinda makes me feel a tad guilty that I'm not more thankful more often... especially in the hard times. Found this poem.. thought it kinda fit my mood:

More Than A Day

As Thanksgiving Day rolls around,
It brings up some facts, quite profound.
We may think that we're poor,
Feel like bums, insecure,
But in truth, our riches astound.

We have friends and family we love;
We have guidance from heaven above.
We have so much more
Than they sell in a store,
We're wealthy, when push comes to shove.

So add up your blessings, I say;
Make Thanksgiving last more than a day.
Enjoy what you've got;
Realize it's a lot,
And you'll make all your cares go away.

By Karl Fuchs

Mind/Body/Soul

I was thinking today.. as I often do when my mind is sooo distracted by physical pain. Funny how something can take such utter control of all of your mind.. changing your daily habits, routines, duties, sometimes just little things like holding your princess for a few minutes... can still create in you a revelation that can become oh say "a light bulb went off moment" or an "A-HA" moment.. or as more correctly put, a small glimpse into the heart of our savior.

I've had neck issues for way too long to remember, to be quick.. it's dumb but hurts, is degenerative, is hereditary, and can be for some a nagging ache, and others.. a harsh reality of daily serious pain in your neck.. which of course can go up to head pain, down to shoulder/hand muscle blah blah blah... like I said DUMB. Anyway.. today I had another fun shot, sometimes they're "annoying" sometimes they're "YOUCH" but today was one of those that rank up with .. hmmm.. ok, not giving birth, but you get my point...lol!!

The great thing is, I cannot be alone for 24 hours (because of the fun stuff through IV) so my dear sweet hubby HAD to take the day off =0) Even in the middle of suckish pain, I find a yippppee..lol. I love a day with Sheldon.. just having him around. So we go to the hospital by 7:30 this morning, miss Hollynd and Brandon in tow.. do our thing.. and sprung and at home by 10 a.m..

As the day went on, the pain STUNK, my entire head/neck/arms/hands/upper back and injection site were SCREAMING at me... but I had this sweet tender voice of my hubby that was making a little princess laugh, who was getting our young preschooler ready for school, who was being very gracious to his sissified wife..lol (I say that with humor..laughing at myself.. because pain stinks, period.. I'm human!!) I came to realize it's an endurance thing.. you endure labor, you endure sorrow, you endure pain...
Endure: in the dictionary you come up with...
1. to hold out against; sustain yielding; undergo
2. to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate
3. to allow; to bear:

And as I was laying there, I though of our savior's pain... his innocence, something I do not have... his purity, not found here.... his perfection, not in a million years could I claim that one...his willingness to obey, sacrifice, and never say no to God "Not my will but yours"... something that brings tears to my eyes when I think of my own life.. yet another quality I lack in. Yet the pain he went through.. for someone who he knew did not posess a single quality that he had.

And the one verse that the Holy Spirit laid HARD on my heart was...

Hebrews 12:2
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I CAN do this... with him all things are possible.. and as I enure this physical pain, I thank you Lord that even in this... You bring me closer to you... to your heart.... and as the author and finisher of MY faith... TO YOUR PLAN.

38

So today I turn 38 years old... seems like a big number, but honestly I have to say these years have FLOWN by! I can't help but wish my momma was here.. to hear her say Happy Birthday, to get that hug and kiss only she can give that warms you from the bottom of your feet to the tip of your head.. to hear her voice, to see her smile, but most of all to hear I LOVE YOU BABY!

I know on your birthday it's usual to focus on your own life.. but I've always thought about what my mom was going through the day she had me... Just 21 days before my birthday my momma and daddy were celebrating my brother Randy's 1st birthday and awaiting my arrival.. my daddy JUST KNEW I was going to be a girl, and he picked out the name Angela (meaning Angel or messenger of God) Christine (meaning Christian or follower of Christ)...mom always told me about how he talked to me, sang to me, kissed her tummy and told me how much he couldn't wait to hold his precious baby girl and how I would be daddy's girl for the rest of my life)... then, 4 days later, he was killed by a drunk driver and momma lost the love of her life, her soulmate, her best friend.. 2 days later she buried the father of her children, her 1 year old baby boy, and soon to be born little one... 15 days later, here I come... I can only imagine the joy and sorrow she felt that day... I was a baby girl, just like he said, and she gave me the name he had picked months earlier (remember this is before sonograms and technology to tell you what you were having).

Words can't explain how blessed I always felt to hear her tell the story of my daddy's love for me.. of course those that know me, know I would cry like a baby, yet at the same time, the love I have for the daddy I never knew became so deeply rooted in my soul that I could feel his love all the way from Heaven every day of my life.

As I grew up and married my soulmate, the love of my life, my best friend.. AND became a mommy.. her strength through this tragedy always made me realize that I could make it through ANYTHING that life could throw my way. It made me hold tighter to those I love, made me love deeper and never let anger or bitterness build in my heart.. realizing that you just never know when someone you love can be taken from you.

It is something I think of often when thinking about losing my momma just 9 days after giving birth to Brandon. I think about how excited my mom was when I found out I was pregnant with our "SUPRISE" little guy.. even though I myslef was in SHOCK! How she so sweetly washed and folded all of the clothes that we had for our newest son, how she talked to my tummy and rubbed on it and told Brandon how she couldn't wait to become a Grammie again...

I have to admit that in that time of losing momma and having Brandon, I have never in my life felt the Lord's presence in such a tangible way.. He was my ROCK, my comforter, my shelter, He wiped away soooooo many tears, He whispered to me that everything would be ok, He wrapped me in his loving arms in a way I had never felt before... I was so broken, and it proved true the verse that says God draws near to the broken hearted, those who are broken in spirit. It's then I realized that he did that exact same thing for my momma the day I was born.

So I count all of my blessings each day.. another year I have lived and loved, my boys, my baby girl I never dreamed would be in my life, my family, my church family, my friends, and those I try and show the love of God to each and every day hoping they can see even just the smallest glimpse of him in me.

My handsome Daddy
Me and my BEAUTIFUL Momma

Life

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S. And, remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Now, you have a nice day....And always remember... I LOVE YOU
~ GOD

Teething

So my sweet sweet little princess has not been too happy at all =0( She has been a cranky pants lately, and after some searching... mommy and daddy discovered she has two little teeth poking through! It's nice to know why she has been so "NOT HAPPY" but at the same time, baby orajel can only do so much!! There have been times I didn't even answer my phone because I knew the person on the other end would not hear ME at all...lol!!! One of those things where you wish you could make it all better, but you know your job is to PRAY PRAY PRAY for the pain to ease, and to try and make her as happy as possible! She has been super attached to mommy.. and I once again have to say THANK YOU LORD for my amazing husband who understands that there are many things that pay the price for her crankiness... the house, the laundry, the dishes... my attitude...lol (YA, I know.. but constant crying can wear on even the most patient of us...lol!) yet he comes in from working all day, and has done some dishes, done some laundry, swept some floors, or just held our crying little Angel and gave her those "magic kisses" that Daddy has! I take for granted soooooo many times that I have such a wonderful husband. I love you baby!!!! I don't tell you often enough how much I appreciate YOU... just being YOU! I am blessed WAY beyond what I deserve when it comes to the hubby area ;0) You are my rock, you are the man most women would love to have, and I'm soooo glad you're ALL MINE!!!!!!

JesUs

Before U were thought of or time had begun,
God stuck U in the name of His Son.


And each time U pray, you'll see it's true,
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.


You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name,
For U, He was born; that's why He came.


His great love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell crUcified..


Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?


The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
And this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.


When JesUs left earth at His upward ascension,
He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.


'Go into the world and tell them it's true
That I love them all - Just like I love U.'


So many great people are spelled with a U,
Don't they have a right to know JesUs too?


It all depends now on what U will do,
He'd like them to know, But it all starts with U.

Halloween =0)

Hallelujah Night was a success!!! Lots of candy, lots of fun.. and some ADORABLE pics!

Brandon =0) What a cutie!!


G.I. Joe... oops, I mean G.I. Gavin


Two happy brothers =0)


Cutest lil Cowgirl in the WORLD!!! Miss Ellie


Forrest Fire Chief Gabe.. and Fairbury Fire Chief Brandon


Hold on to those hats boys... those Firetrucks go FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!


Lil Cowgirl Ellie holding on to Daddy.. not sure what to think of Brandon the Fireman


How cute are they!


Lil Ellie warmed up to the young blue-eyed Fireman


Brandon was eating it up!!! He ADORES Miss Ellie!!!!

Happy Autumn

H A P P Y A U T U M N!!!



The 7 Ups!



1. Wake Up !!

Decide to have a good day.
'This is the day the Lord hath made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.'
Psalms 118:24



2. Dress Up !!


The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.
Man looks at outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart.'
I Samuel 16:7




3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen.
God gave us two ears and one mouth,
so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.

'He who guards his lips guards his soul.'
Proverbs 13:3




4. Stand Up!!




. . . for what you believe in.
Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
'Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good...'
Galatians 6:9-10



5. Look Up !!


. . to the Lord.
'I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me'.
Philippians 4:13




6. Reach Up !!
. . for something higher.
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not unto your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.'
Proverbs 3:5-6





7.. Lift Up !!
. . your Prayers.
'Do not worry about anything; instead
PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.'
Philippians 4:6







A POSITIVE THOUGHT



If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring, and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He could live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.
What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem ;
not to mention that Friday at Calvary .
Face it, He's crazy about you.



I thought this was mighty special, just like YOU.
Pass this on and brighten someone's day, and remember . ...


God answers Knee-Mail!








Wishing you a Blessed day!!!

Sickness

So for the past almost MONTH, we have had some sort of illness going through the house.. from coughs, to sinus infections, to fevers, to Influenza A, to just the plain old body aches and just when you think they're gone... somebody else pops up with another "symptom". Last week, out of the 9 people that live here (our family makes up 6, my brother going through a divorce makes up the other 3 with his kids) there were 7 out of 9 people sick in this house =0( Talk about sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!! I seriously had a medication and fever list... times to give the meds, and times to take the temps and record them... and I was even struggling to keep my mind clear enough to do this since I was one of the sicklies too!!! Yesterday (Sunday) we had prayed and prayed that we would all finally be together in church... oh so close, but didn't happen. Sheldon began running another fever Sat. evening, and Sunday morning was running a high temp again. So he stayed home (though he was on call and still had to go make rounds for work!!) with Brandon who has the horrible cough that sometimes will seriously go on for over 5 minutes NON-STOP and the breathing treatment DID NOT HELP.. it actually made it worse!! Lil Miss Hollynd has not run a fever, she has just had the runny nose, croupy cough and has not been the sweet little girl we know she is ;0) BUT.. Praise God.. so far today I have gotten 3 kids on the bus so far, and 2 left to get on the bus at 11:47. Could this be the day? The hubby is working his early morning day.. he sounds AWFUL but he is fever free so far!! So I'm once again praying and believing that the sickness is GONE GONE GONE! And I don't think I'll answer the phone if the school calls...LOL!!!!!!! Hopefully it's back to the land of the living =0)
Here's a few pics I did manage to snap... usually I'm a camera crazy woman but I don't think anybody was "camera ready" these last few weeks.. but here's a few I did manage to take =0)

Lessons learned

My mom used to always say... "If you make a mistake, but learn from it... then it is no longer a mistake, it is a lesson learned". Boy oh boy I can loose count of all the lessons I have learned... but God is faithful and just to forgive those mistakes and make them a weapon in my fortress of life-lessons to help those who are struggling with making those same mistakes and show them how the Lord can truly make beauty from ashes... now we just have to be obedient and be honest enough to admit that we too have walked that road, veered off the straight and narrow, honestly messed up, but I've noticed that IF we are willing to be honest, admit our short-comings and show our friends that we too have stumbled, but God himself reaches out his hand and helps lift us up... we give HOPE. And what a beautiful place this world would be if there was more HOPE in it!

Time

There are times that it feels like a day lasts forever... and there are days that seem to fly by. Then there are times where you're sitting at your computer, knowing you should go to bed, and emotions and memories just overcome you. It's actually quiet... everyone is sleeping... and I am alone (ok, so lil miss is sleeping in the next room... but I am for the most part, by myself).

I saw a friend I haven't seen since 7th grade today.. it was WONDERFUL!!! She came and gave me the BIGGEST hug, and we laughed, and talked, and then came the dreaded moment when she asked how my mom was... I praise God that he has gotten me past the point of breaking at that question. I can now compose myself and answer without tears flooding my face, and sobs sending me into a downward spiral... I really don't even know how many days Sheldon just tucked me into bed crying and told me to go to sleep and when I woke up I would feel better... I don't know what I ever did to deserve the husband that I have. My friend had just told me that she moved her parents up from Texas so they would be closer and she could help take care of them... oh how I miss those days.. fixing her coffee just the way she liked it, making her some peanut butter toast, things now that seem so simple and trivial... yet I would give anything to have those moments back.

It's been 3 years, 5 months , 18 days since I've seen my momma, longer than I ever imagined in my life I would go without hearing her voice, sharing our coffee, watching the kids do silly things.. sharing those mother daughter moments that I so unknowingly took for granted. I can remember when I counted every single day.. every single week, every single holiday, everything... and I actually had to sit and think for a moment exactly how long she had been gone.... God is SO faithful... because even when I was so lost in my grief, in my tears, in my sorrow.. he was holding me the entire time.

This one's for you momma... your favorite song when you found out you had cancer.. the way you told Sheldon to listen to the part about watching an eagle as it was flying because you knew how much he loved eagles and collected them... you always thought of us.. even as your days were ending, it was always us that you worried about and yet you knew... you knew Sheldon would hold me and we would make it... you will never cease to amaze me.. and my love for you still grows stronger everyday until we meet again in Heaven... I LOVE YOU FOREVER

Lots of changes =)

I've heard many times about the seasons in our lives.... sometimes we think they're going to change in one way.. and then another way comes around =) I really thought our baby season was over.. and here we are at the beginning again, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world!

Some VERY happy brothers =)


She looks like she's smiling ... I think she knows how much littlest brother loves her!!

Boo and his baby sister

Awwwww.....

So my heart is stolen once again...... this time by a little person in pink instead of blue.......

I feel so blessed that the Lord gives us these tiny spirits to teach about him, to show them how much he loves them..so much more than we are even capable. But mostly I am thankful that the Lord lets me be a part of all of their lives... especially our newest little member =)

Mommy loves you baby girl

Our new little baby girl is HERE!!!

She's here...all 19 inches of her =)
Princess Hollynd Brooke Carver weighed in at 7 lbs. 8 oz.
We can't wait to bring her home Tuesday!!!!
Our beautiful little girl

So tiny

So perfect

We are soooo blessed =)

Every good and perfect gift comes from above... she's our little Angel

Labory and delivery was awesome! Mom did GREAT and was such a trooper that I was amazed! I LOVE YOU GIRL.. forever I will thank you for this precious little gift that you have given us!

The fight...

I have to admit there is one subject in my life that I don't budge on.. I know, we're suppossed to be tolerant, we're suppossed to be loving and forgiving.. but this one subject puts me to the test everytime.

The subject is abortion.

I'm so pro-life I should wear a t-shirt everyday that says TAKE MY HAND.. NOT MY LIFE just so people don't think this issue ever truly goes away.

So long story short... I have a close, dear, forever friend.. the kind you can't remember ever not knowing?.. ya know as far back as you have memories, they are in them.

We've been down this road before. She knows how I feel.

Pregnant at 38.. the dad won't be anywhere around and granted she's struggling already with the children she does have, and just making it financially as a single mom... I get the picture, and I love her.. so I do have sympathy.

It took days of conversation, making her look at the baby being a good thing.. not a horrible reminder of a bad decision... at one point, she actually said.. I get that you're a voice for the voiceless, but enough is enough I feel guilty as it is.. I haven't made my decision yet".... I had spoken every word in love.. I had even went as far as to tell her I only speak that honestly with her because I do love her and know her deep inside where she can't seem to find herself becaue of the stress and confusion. But I felt the holy spirit say, just send her a message and say I love you unconditionally and will always be here for you, just like God is for each of us... and I left it alone... and prayed with all my might... for over 24 hours I heard nothing.. got no messages, saw she was on the computer a few times sending messages to other friends of ours... but NOTHING for me... and I never go a single day without something from her.. in my heart I was scared that I had offended her.. had hurt her feelings with the truth.

The day the email came that said she chose to keep the baby, my heart about exploded. I in no way take credit for her decision.. I know the only way in the world she chose to have the baby was that God stepped in... he spoke to her himself... he opened her eyes to the good and made the bad go away even if only for a brief moment for her to see the beauty in the ashes... The exact prayer I had been praying..

I often wonder how loud the saints and the angels and God himself rejoyce when this hard decision is made....

Yet I also know how tenderly and lovingly they receive and welcome those little babies that don't get this chance at life...

Me in a nutshell

Seriously... this is me

DIRECTIONS HOME
Really like this one. Someone spent a lot of time on this...
¸//// \\\\, ___________
/__/ _/\_ ____/\
| | | | | | | || |l±±±±|
¸,.-*°´ ¸,.-*~*~*-.,¸ `°*-. :º° *~*~*-..,¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

DIRECTIONS TO OUR FATHER'S HOUSE.
Make a Right onto Believeth Blvd.
Keep straight and go through the Green Light, which is Jesus Christ.
There, you must turn onto the Bridge of Faith, which is over troubled water.
When you get off the bridge, make a Right turn and Keep Straight.
You are on the King's Highway - Heaven-bound.
Keep going for three miles: One for the Father, One for the Son, and One for the Holy Ghost.
Then exit off onto Grace Blvd.
From there, make a Right turn on Gospel Lane.
Keep Straight and then make another Right on Prayer Road.
As you go on your way, Yield Not to the traffic on Temptation Ave.
Also, avoid SIN STREET because it is a DEAD END.
Pass up Envy Drive, and Hate Avenue.
Also, pass Hypocrisy Street, Gossiping Lane, and Backbiting Blvd.
However, you have to go down Long-suffering Lane, Persecution Blvd. And Trials and Tribulations Ave.
But that's all right, because VICTORY Street is straight ahead!
AMEN!!!!!

Life is God's gift to you.
The way you live it.............is your gift to God.

Hello?

Hello blog world... again... lol =) Life seems to keep getting in the way of certain things, and the blogging has been one of the biggest! So here's a little catch-up...
Brandon is now a new Dole product =)
Gavin spent his first 5 days EVER away from home at camp and LOVED IT!!!
All of my men are healthy, and happy (and soo handsome for their Father's Day picture of 2009)
And here is my Boo.. such a sweet sweet young man.. posing with his Great Grandma

More blogs to follow... I promise =)