New babies

So my friend Annie is getting close to having her first baby. The baby shower that we had at the church sent me on a roller coaster of emotions. I can remember my momma coming to the baby shower for me at our church. It was only a little over a month or so before she died. I can remember playing the games, my sisters and Susie did the organizing, and it was wonderful. The crazy thing I remember the most was probably about 20 minutes or so before we were finished, I was eating my cake and my tummy just started feeling horrible. As we left the church, I can still remember momma getting in the car with me as we came home and I told her that I just wasn't feeling well in my tummy. So, about 10 minutes after we got home, the horrible vomiting started, followed by Sheldon starting the exact horrible problem about 15 minutes after I did. Just about a week before that, both Darian & Gavin and my mom all had the stomach flu too, Sheldon and I were SOOO excited that we had made it through all the clean-up and nastiness of when your kids are sick and seriously thought we made it without catching whatever bug it was...oh how wrong we were!! It was sweet, my sister Leslie stayed all night to help take care of mom & Darian and Gavin (just keeping an eye on momma, and an eye on the kids..she even put them to bed). It was like a 24 hour kick your butt flu, the kind where if you drink ANYTHING, within 10 minutes 3 times as much would come right back out. Talk about one of the worst stomach pains... almost 9 months pregnant, so your tummy's already got some pain, then add puking for 24 straight hours. Sheldon and I passed each other in the hall going from bedroom to bathroom. I guess the crazy part of this whole thing is now I look back on that day, and I don't really remember how bad the puking was as much as I remember just seeing my momma's face, spending the day with her, and the concerned look she gave me when I told her I wasn't feeling well. I miss that look so much. I miss our conversations so much. I miss having her wealth of motherly advice to learn from. Mostly I guess, I just miss everything about her.

I just found out that my sweet neice is going to have a baby. We were together Saturday here at my house when she took the test. She's not married, she does have a wonderful boyfriend, she's just about to turn 19... such a bittersweet moment... she wasn't planning this, yet she's ready to take on the challenge of becoming a mommy. I'm so proud of her for never once even considering that her life as she knows it now is more important than the life inside of her. I held her as she cried tears of shock, tears of happiness, tears of uncertainty, and I'm sure maybe even some tears of regret. As I held her she whispered..." I sure wish Grammy was here "



and all I thought was THAT MAKES TWO OF US!! Somehow my momma had the magic ability to take any and every situation, no matter how confusing it was at the time, and tell us that everything will work out and just plain make you feel loved and feel better. Gosh momma, I miss you more than words can say... we all do. But I know Heaven is more wonderful than I could ever imagine and that you are healthy, whole, complete, and happy exactly where you are with Jesus and Daddy, and your Daddy too now. It brings back a song that you used to sing to me a long long time ago. An OLDIE, but wonderful song called "How far is Heaven"... the part I remember the most is the chorus:

How far is Heaven
when can I go?
To see my Daddy
he's there I know.
How far is Heaven
can I go tonight?
I want my Daddy
to hold me tight.

It used to think that song was just for me =) Missing my Daddy... now I'm missing both of you. I guess losing dad and losing you keeps me looking to Heaven a whole lot more than I would if you were both still here. And without having an earthly father, or mother, you really HOLD ON TIGHT to your Heavenly Father!